How to Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse includes any type of sexual act or behavior with a child including non-contact behaviors such as showing or taking pornographic images of children. The best way for parents to prevent sexual abuse is through knowledge, education and understanding.

Most sex offenders are not strangers to a child. Sexual abuse is most often committed by someone who knows the child. This may be a friend, relative, teacher, coach or neighbor. Someone in a position of authority is commonly the perpetrator and children who are compliant, respectful and obedient are especially susceptible to abuse. In almost all situations the abuser intimidates the child to remain silent and not say anything or tell anyone about the abusive behavior. Often the child assumes a personal responsibility for the actions of another and feels he or she is the cause of the abuse. With time progressive guilt and shame deepen the silence and may actually block out memories for many years or even a lifetime.

Common signs and symptoms of being sexually abused include depression, oppositional or destructive behavior, anxiety, social-withdrawal, new academic difficulties, aggressive behavior, high risk behaviors and self-injurious behaviors. Parents must be aware however, that children who are being abused or who have been abused in the past do not always show signs or symptoms of abuse.

The risk of molestation can be decreased by establishing and supporting an ongoing parent-child relationship focused on open and trusted communication and connection. By spending time with your child and talking about sexuality you will be providing your child information on how to respond if an abuse occurs. Parents who believe their child is not at risk for abuse are hiding behind a mask of ignorance and denial. By talking openly and directly about sex and sexual abuse, using age and developmentally appropriate terms, your child will be able to respond in the right way and at the right time to sexual abuse. There must be no secrets between parents and children.

Children must recognize, understand and respond to the boundaries and limits of sexual behaviors and sexual exploration. Discussions must be open, non-judgmental and shame, fear and guilt must always be avoided.  Your child must understand the meaning of privacy and how certain body parts of his or her body are private and cannot be touched, looked at, talked about or photographed without permission. Children must be taught to allow their own feelings to lead their response. If a child feels scared or uncomfortable he or she must say no and immediately notify a parent about the incident. If a parent is not available then a teacher or guardian should be immediately notified.

When your child is outside of your care special precautions are necessary. Be cautious of adults who take your child on unsupervised outings or special events and make sure your child is adequately supervised during overnight stays away from your home. Verify who is in the away household where your child is staying overnight and talk to those adults directly. Alcohol and drugs must be avoided since both encourage risk taking behaviors by children and adults. If concerned about a location or situation then consider being a chaperone or making an unscheduled visit to check on your child. An open door policy allowing parent visits is always best.

By listening to your child with love and sensitivity you will encourage openness and increase your child’s willingness to share any concerns. This prevents embarrassment and decreases the chance your child will keep the incident or behavior hidden. Never discount your child’s feelings or blame your child for his or her part in an abusive situation. By providing ongoing support, professional counseling and unconditional love to your child healing can begin.

How to Talk to Your Child About Sex

There are three topics parents must be prepared to talk about when sex is discussed between parent and child. These three topics are body parts, sexuality and romance or love. Love is both simple and complex. It is one of the strongest human drives at every age, and yet, its meaning changes from infancy to adulthood. This is why parents must educate their children about the meaning of love or someone else will.

Parents must discuss sex with their child early and often. Proper timing and location are essential. Public places should be avoided, and it is best to follow a child’s lead and wait for a question, situation or event to incite the discussion.

Sex discussions are age, knowledge and maturity dependent. The focus must be on how sex and sexuality makes you and your child feel. Proclamations, don’ts and judgment must be avoided. By discussing the do’s with your child a positive attitude about sexuality is portrayed to your child and fear, anger, shame and guilt are avoided.

Common parental mistakes include talking down to a child or not respecting a child’s intelligence or curiosity. Generational, gender, religious and cultural biases also must be recognized and dealt with. These mistakes often limit your ability to teach your child.

Topics to be addressed include the importance of being both sexually aware and sexually healthy. The physical, emotional and spiritual components of sexuality must be recognized, understood and responded to. In addition, the role of peer and partner pressure must be discussed and rumors or myths concerning sex must be dispelled. Safe sex must always be supported and the risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases must always be openly and honestly discussed and accurate information provided.

Parents must talk about how sex fits into a relationship. Learning how to set expectations empowers children and teens to establish and follow appropriate boundaries concerning sexual behaviors and practices. This type of preparation teaches children why many types of sexual behaviors are worth waiting for and at the same time enhances expectations of future sexual experiences made more powerful by experience and maturity.

The best teaching tools for parents are role-playing and the media. By using the media as a springboard for role-playing discussions your views, behavior and attitude are easily represented and expressed to your child. Family and personal values can be discussed as can the timing of sexual behaviors. Parents who focus on asking rather than telling will obtain more engagement. At the same time it is important not to ask too many questions and to always speak in generalities unless specifically asked.

A final skill every parent must master is the acceptance of experimentation and exploration by children and teens. Never tell a child that his or her behavior disappoints you. This engenders guilt and decreases your child’s opportunity to learn from a mistake and make healthier future decisions about sex.

Sexuality in Children and Teens

Acceptance, understanding, mutual respect and commitment are the foundation of healthy sexuality. Sexuality is more about personal openness and love and less about pleasure and the binary politics of gender and sex. It is about conscious giving and receiving and not about social and societal expectations and dogma. It is about the support of relationships rather than what is right or wrong. The teaching of love, connection and communication allows children and teens to develop the resilience to expect and accept joy and disappointment while searching for one’s own sexuality and happiness.

Although the content and context of sexuality portrayed in the media are a strong influence on your child, the sexuality modeled in your feelings, thoughts, words and actions are the most important influence in what your child learns, believes and practices. Parents who teach a child fear, anger, shame and guilt are not supporting a life filled with happiness and conscious giving and receiving. The setting of reasonable exploration limits encourages young children to learn the limits of healthy sexuality in terms of nudity, sexual play and self-exploration. Healthy limits teach young children what is a healthy “touch” and who is allowed to safely touch the body of another.

Sexuality topics and interests differ by age. Allow your child’s age and developmental level to guide you in your teaching of sexuality. Look for teachable moments where your child is ready to learn about sexuality. Listen to your child’s questions and find out what he or she knows before answering a question. Allow your child’s questions to guide the discussion and be ready for “testing” questions your child will ask attempting to cause friction and stretch boundaries.

An interest in touching and exploring genitals and other “private” body parts on one self and another is normal in toddlers and young preschoolers. This provides you the opportunity to teach the proper names of body parts and to discuss personal and physical boundaries and the importance of exploration limits.  In this way limit setting becomes a family matter that is addressed early in life with non-judgmental understanding.

In older preschoolers, learning about sexuality progresses from exploration to questioning. Common questions include: “How did I get in your tummy?” “Where was I before I was in your tummy?” “How did I get out of your tummy?” “Where do babies come from?” and “Why do girls not have a penis?” Being prepared to respond to physical exploration and these common questions are the first steps in the teaching sexuality to your child.

As children enter school age sexuality questions progress to bodily changes and the function of body parts. During early school age children make the connection between making babies and the relationship between two people. Common questions include: “What is an erection?” “What is a period?” “When can a girl have a baby?” “How do two people have sexual intercourse?” and “What does it mean to be homosexual?” These questions must be answered with language and information that matches the developmental level and maturity of the child asking the question.

In middle school questions about love, romance and gender are common. By late school age the body and emotional changes that accompany puberty become the primary driving force for questions. The risks of risk-taking sexual behaviors, STDs and pregnancy become the focus of questions during these bridging developmental years.

During teen years the portrayal and content of sexuality in society and the media are the driving forces for questions and concerns. Teens spend more than seven hours a day on electronic devices and social media and much of this time is unsupervised and unregulated. Parents must provide media counseling to address media and peer influences on sexual behavior. Specific support and discussions must be provided concerning gender issues, respect, equality, safety and security. Talk with your teen about the pervasive sexual content in advertising, the entertainment industry and in social media. Issues such as contraception, pregnancy, STDs and sexual responsibility must be addressed in an open, non-confrontational and non-judgmental fashion. Events in the daily life of every family and teen provide the windows of opportunity to discuss these and other issues.

Knowledge, love, patience and understanding will enable you to teach your child conscious giving and receiving and the attainment of a healthy relationship with self and others. In this way healthy sexuality can become the greatest gift you can give your child.

Difficult Discipline Situations

Every parent must deal with many of the same problem behaviors. Developing a reasonable, rational and targeted strategy ahead of time will prepare you to respond in the right way and at the right time.

Stalling behaviors are common for children and teens of all ages. By setting clear and concise expectations your child will be aware of both responsibilities and boundaries. Family meetings and posted chore lists and family rules provide the social venue for both discussion and the sharing of reasonable and rational expectations. Teens and children of all ages flourish with structure. Structure prepares your child for both positive and negative consequences and allows opportunity for genuine praise and ongoing feedback. If your child stalls, be prepared to provide an immediate natural or logical consequence and look for underlying emotional issues which may help you understand why your child has chosen to stall and not comply. Recognizing and understanding your child’s behavior allows you to respond in the best way possible to your child’s stalling behavior.

Toddlers are often unhappy. Situations and events make it difficult for toddlers to communicate their feelings. This makes them difficult to understand, and they respond with unhappiness, outbursts and minor temper tantrums. Parents who listen to their toddler and preschooler rather than simply try to solve their problem are better able to avert the progression to major outbursts and more overt signs and indications of unhappiness. Toddlers love schedules, routines and rituals. Planning helps decrease the risk for unhappiness. Consider using sign language or providing acceptable behavior alternative to replace unhappiness. Never be fearful of stating the obvious. Children are rational and are better able to accept change when warnings are given and preparations are made. By allowing your child to have some control the power of choice often becomes the best way to eliminate unhappiness.

Aggression is a common problem. Boys are seven times more likely to express aggressive behavior than girls and young school-aged children who are under stress are the most likely to choose aggressive acting out behaviors. Aggressive behaviors usually have a cause. Is your child angry, frustrated or fearful? Does he feel threatened? Is he experiencing rage? Aggression is common in children who have issues with self-worth and self-esteem. Many of these children have negative or hostile feelings about themselves and express these feelings by projecting these thoughts on others through acts of aggression. Teaching these children how to recognize and respond to their emotions provides the means to manage the aggression and at the same time learn the coping and social skills that are necessary to happily live and interact with others.

Lying and cheating are two other common issues. In children these behaviors are often a defense mechanism and a response to excessive parental expectations. Children between the ages of three and five years must learn the power of acceptance, how to give and share and how to be non-judgmental and to tell the truth. Lying and cheating are often behaviors learned by watching parents or may be a sign of peer or social issues. Telling the truth is a learned behavior that must be supported from the earliest age if a child is to learn the importance of high moral values for oneself and for others.

The Discipline You Choose

Have you ever wondered about your discipline choices? You are not alone. This common parental concern is dark, deep, hidden and scary for most parents. It does not have to be. By following certain guideposts and budgeting the time to review your choices you can become the parent you want to be.

Remember you never need to be alone. Find a partner. Ask a spouse, relative, counselor or friend for the support and guidance you need. Read books about parenting styles and discipline techniques. Ask questions, listen, learn and connect with others. Watch the discipline choices others make and ask: “What kind of parent do I want to be? Am I a positive role model for my child?  Have I banned violence from our home? Am I ready and aware of the choices my child will make? Are my parenting expectations reasonable? Do I respond to my child’s behavior with rational and targeted responses? Do I think before I speak and set clear, concise, consistent, confident and competent boundaries?” Answering these questions will help you decide what discipline changes you need to make.

The hallmarks of good discipline are communication and connection. These two cornerstones support the management choices each parent must make to ensure healthy physical, emotional and cognitive development for a child.

Management techniques include distraction, redirection and behavior substitution. These strategies in conjunction with active ignoring are essential for children and teens of all ages and especially important for toddlers and preschoolers. Young children often become confused when parents use verbal explanations and insight directed interactions for redirection. Young children learn best from schedules, routines and rituals. They rely on stability and concrete redirection. By focusing on praise, general encouragement and positive reinforcement negative behaviors fade and are replaced by supported positive behaviors. Parents who anticipate behaviors and provide gentle guidance become the parents who are listened to and learned from.

Avoid discipline choices that rely on guilt or punishment strategies that communicate failure to your child. Never scold, nag or embarrass your child in private or public and remember these choices lead to humiliation, diminished self-worth and anger.

Discipline choices outside your home are especially difficult. Always discuss behavior expectations with your child before leaving home and determine reasonable natural or logical consequences that may be needed. Be aware of the impact of fatigue, hunger and stress on your child. At all times rely on genuine praise and immediate rewards to support and encourage positive behaviors in your child and during times of stress pursue a time out for both you and your child before choosing a penalty. Although safety and security of your child are always the highest concerns the discipline choices you make will always be long remembered.

Hitting Hurts Everyone

Choosing physical punishment as your discipline strategy hurts both you and your child. It does not stop hurting even when the pain, anger and confusion subside. Parents choose physical punishment as a discipline style due to personal, cultural and generational influences.  Often an aggressive verbal or physical response is chosen by a parent due to underlying fear, a lack of knowledge about alternative behavioral responses or because of immediate safety and security concerns.

Every child must learn how to manage emotions, develop relationships and recognize, understand and respond to frustration and disappointment. Unfortunately, corporal punishment teaches the opposite and does not provide a secure stepping stone for the development of confidence, positive self-worth and effective self-regulation.

The fundamental harm of physical punishment is the cycle and culture of violence and bullying that it supports.  Although numerous age specific alternative discipline strategies such as emotion coaching, positive modeling,  reasoned discussions, time out, ignoring strategies and loss of privileges have been shown to be more effective than corporal punishment,  spanking, paddling and hitting persist and are practiced and condoned by up to 75% of American adults. About 200,000 children continue to be paddled each year in US schools. Although corporal punishment has been banned by the United Nations since 1989 it remains unratified by the United States and is still legal in schools in many parts of the US.

Corporal punishment has both short and long term negative emotional consequences. It is a primitive learned behavior that is both biological and passed on across generations.  It neglects the emotional and social skills that are fundamental for the social and emotional development of a child.  Physical punishment relies on the physical responses of surprise, fear, anger, shame and distress to teach a child. It neglects the power of a secure and positive parental attachment to provide a safe, secure and accepting environment to foster healthy exploration while establishing reasonable and acceptable boundaries.

Physical punishment is not necessary for children to learn about limits and routines.  Although spanking and other forms of corporal punishment foster short term regulation these techniques rely on primitive brain pathways based on fear, hostility and discomfort to learn new skills. Physical punishment has been shown to increase aggressive behavior in children and is less effective in teaching positive behaviors.  Corporal punishment increases the risk of hostile, disrespectful and spiteful behavior and fosters the belief that stronger and bigger always wins.

Discipline strategies that are age and developmentally appropriate focus on the part of a child’s brain that supports patience rather than fear and the ability to control emotions. Positive discipline strategies are essential and must be practiced consistently over many years. Although this part of the brain takes years to develop there are alternative strategies that have been proven effective.  Infants from birth though age 18 months respond best to distraction and environmental and antecedent management. Toddlers respond to modeling, praise and simple requests. Preschoolers respond best to clear and consistent simple rules and the offering of choices to achieve a sought after behavior.  The older preschool child responds well to time outs to provide a calming down period to allow heightened emotions to settle.

Discipline roadblocks are common. Parents must avoid expectations that are too high or too low. Temper tantrums must be expected and the cause of the temper tantrum must be sought and responded to. Temper tantrums are a sign of overwhelming emotion and indicate your child is asserting independence, disagreeing with rules and is unable to communicate underlying needs. Relying on physical punishment in this situation amplifies your child’s discomfort and further delays your child learning how to regulate emotion and develop reciprocal respectful relationships.

What should a busy parent do?  See behaviors through the eyes of your child. Avoid blame and pursue immediate, specific, age appropriate and consistent consequences. Do not forget temper tantrums are a normal part of your child’s development.  They start small and escalate. Always intervene early. For a negative behavior in an older child look for environmental, parental or temperament causes. Respond to the cause rather than the behavior and choose a strategy where you are able to stay calm and set limits that are not be too permissive or too strict.

Rely on praise, modeling, offering of alternatives, distraction and time out to teach your child.  Never lose control of your emotions and step back if you become emotionally upset. Never hit or embarrass your child out of love or anger and avoid both positive and negative punishments.

If you plan for misbehaviors and choose your battles carefully you will become the best role model for your child.

Water Wise

Teaching children about water safety must be on the wish list of every parent.

In the US we take healthy and non-contaminated water for granted. In many parts of the world clean water is not available. Throughout the world, thousands of children die every day due to water-related illness and chemical contamination. Germs, nitrates, man-made chemicals, heavy metals and radioactive particles shorten or end the lives of so many children. Teaching your child the importance of clean water and helping others throughout the world obtain clean water are two of the most important lessons a parent can teach a child.

The ability to be naturally safe around water is another skill parents must model and teach their child from infancy to young adulthood. In the US almost 4,000 people die every year due to drowning. Over half of these deaths occur in children, and children between the ages of 1 and 5 years are at greatest risk. Home swimming pools pose the greatest risk to children under school age, and 80% of those who drown are males. Drowning is the second most common cause of death due to injuries for children under 14 years of age.

Swimming pools must have appropriate fencing that is at least 54 inches tall and have a functioning, self-latching gate that can be locked. Keep all ladders and objects away from the enclosure to prevent children from climbing over the gate or fence.  Choose a swimming pool cover that fits your pool and limits the risk of entrapment. Keep all pool related toys away from the pool when the pool is not in use. Toys attract children and increase the risk for a child inadvertently falling into the pool while trying to retrieve a toy. Make certain the pool your child is swimming in has been treated with the right amount of chemicals, and no matter where your child swims it is a good idea to avoid swallowing the water. Have your child shower with soap and water after swimming in untreated water since many recreational water illnesses including diarrhea and infections of the skin, eyes, ears and respiratory tract are spread in the water in which your child swims.

There should be no diving, pushing or chasing on pool decks. It is too easy to slip and fall on slick surfaces. Children must walk and never run around a pool and should always enter the pool slowly and feet first. If a child is not water-safe, an approved life jacket must be worn. Children under school age must wear a jacket that has a strap between the legs. For all children the life jacket must fit tightly enough so it does not pull up over the shoulders while at the same time does not limit breathing. In 90% of boating deaths a life jacket is not worn.

Every child should learn how to be water-safe. For the toddler and preschooler this means being able to back-float face up before learning how to swim in a face down position with a crawl swim stroke. This face up position decreases fear and panic and allows your young child to breathe and call for help.

Children must also learn about the importance of adult supervision, a buddy system, understanding and following posted regulations, and at all times listening to and following the directions of lifeguards.  Learning how to “read” the water and the weather are also important skills, as is CPR training for the older child.

When supervising children around water, alcohol use and all distractions such as a cell phone must be avoided. Stay at the water’s edge, count the children under your care frequently and briefly focus on each child while you scan back and forth over the area where they are swimming. Keep the swimming area small enough for you to remain “in touch” with each child. If a child’s behavior or play activity is placing other children at risk then have all the children under your care exit the water until you are able to resolve the issue with that child. Once the safety issue has been resolved you may allow the children to return to the water. Accidents often happen when a parent becomes distracted. Don’t allow this to happen to you.

Natural bodies of water such as ponds, creeks and streams carry their own risks. Small bodies of water can be especially dangerous since children are often not afraid to be near or enter them. In addition to the wind, weather, waves, currents, undertow and riptides that we see with lakes and oceans these smaller bodies of water often have many natural and man-made obstacles including currents, rocks, broken glass, entangling vegetation and mud. Fast flowing culverts, creeks and streams are especially dangerous due to the risk of fallen trees and branches that act as strainers that can entrap even the strongest swimmer.  When entering a body of water with waves it is important you enter and exit slowly and always face the waves. If you see a storm or hear or see lightening you must immediately exit the water and seek shelter.

When you teach your child to be water wise you are providing your child with skills they will model for other children and their own children. Water wise is water safe.

Rules are Important

Rules are the visible foundation upon which parenting is built. They represent your parenting style and encourage communication between you and your child.

The purpose of rules is to allow you and your child to identify acceptable behaviors and teach the limits of behaviors. The focus of rules is educational and based on consequences rather than punishment. They teach your child how to behave in different environments and serve as a reminder that you are the most important model for your child. The final purpose of rules is to encourage children to teach other children by their own words and actions.

The benefits of rules include parent-child communication, self-discipline and the support of the ability to choose. Clear, concise and consistent rules allow safety and security issues to be addressed while at the same time showing your child that you care. By following rules children learn the importance of safety, security and acceptance.

Parents are best able to establish successful rules when children are involved and engaged in the rule setting process. By involving your child in choosing rules and consequences you support and encourage two way communications. Cooperation improves and supports compliance as well as provides opportunities for genuine praise to be given to your child. In addition, remember to build incentives and rewards into the rules you establish.

Always make sure rules are clear, concise and written down. They must be posted in a visible location that is easily seen by you and your child. Set a positive tone for rules. Include “To Do” statements rather than “Not to Do” statements and decide at the time the rule is established what the logical and natural consequences will be if a rule is not followed.  Natural consequences are consequences that are the direct result of your child’s behavior and logical consequences are consequences that are directly linked to your child’s behavior.

Common tips for parents concerning rules include making sure you remain attentive and responsive to your child while at the same time being attuned and sensitive to your child’s needs and feelings. Praise is important. It increases your child’s compliance and must be genuine. Never be surprised when your child breaks a rule. Expect rule breaking since it is often a way children seek attention. Recognize when a rule is broken but avoid “nit picking.” By being consistent, firm, pleasant and leaving anger and discouragement behind you will model acceptable behavior for your child and increase your child’s compliance.

Lastly, remember to be a parent and not a friend when setting rules. Don’t be afraid of being a “bad guy.” Permissive parents are not successful in the long term and do not prepare a child for future decision-making and problem-solving. They do not teach children that authority must be honored and respected. By accepting your parental responsibility as an authoritative parent you teach your child the value of cooperation and respect and help prepare your child to find good solutions to present and future problems.

Parenting Styles

Responding to misbehavior is one of the greatest challenges every parent faces. Your child does or doesn’t do something, and you must know how to respond. Parents who understand basic parenting styles are better prepared to choose the right response for their child. There are four parenting styles every parent must recognize and understand.

The first style is authoritarian parenting.  In this approach the parent’s feelings, thoughts, words and actions dominate the parent-child encounter.  The feelings of the child are not listened to, dismissed or disavowed. The authoritarian parent says: “I am right, and you are wrong. Do what I say because I said so.” This attitude does not support reciprocity or shared communication.  In this parent-centered approach the feelings, thoughts, words and actions of the child are neglected, unobserved or lost and forgotten.  This approach hinders sincere and honest parent-child communication and neglects problem solving.  It diminishes a child’s self-esteem and self-worth and often leads to hidden anger or hostile and aggressive behavior by the child.

The second style is authoritative parenting. Parents who utilize this approach demonstrate unconditional love for their child while at the same time setting clear and consistent boundaries. These parents rely on empathy and emotional awareness to see what their child sees and understand their child’s emotions and behavior. By seeing the situation through the eyes of their child they are able to recognize and understand the reason behind their child’s behavior. This allows parental responses to be guided by the child’s emotions. Authoritative parenting supports the development of strong, healthy and trusting relationships and teaches children how emotions work as well as how to manage their own emotions.

The third parenting style is permissive parenting. Permissive parents view the parent to child relationship primarily as a friendship. They avoid rule-making out of fear that their relationship with the child will be damaged and their child will be less attached to them. With permissive parenting parental authority is not supported, and this approach teaches children not to respect or honor their parents. These parents accept their child’s emotions no matter how the child behaves. Boundaries are not identified and often children become confused while their behavior continues to deteriorate. Permissive parenting often leads to extended temper tantrums, acting out behaviors and an inability to handle emotions, recognize social cues and develop reciprocal shared relationships.

The final parenting style is that of the uninvolved parent. Uninvolved parents lack attachment to their child. They act as if they did not know or care about their child’s emotions or actions and often avoid direct touching contact with their child. Uninvolved parents verbally and visually neglect their child or like authoritarian parents use dismissive or disavowing response techniques to distance themselves from their child. This parenting style leads to disengagement, separation, low self-esteem and underachievement. These children have difficulty connecting and listening to others. In rare situations children raised under this style become highly resilient overachievers with over developed coping skills and immature relationship skills. These children tend to hide their own emotions and have difficulty resolving emotional conflicts while at the same time neglecting the emotions of others.

By being aware and understanding these parenting styles you are able to teach your child respect, cooperation and the ability to recognize, understand and respond to personal emotions and the emotions of others. Listening and emotional coaching are the greatest parenting gifts you can give your child.

Healthy Eating

Every parent knows a healthy weight is an indicator of good health and a gateway to chronic disease. Today’s parents, however, are busy and time and finances are limited. This is why it is essential for all parents to model healthy eating for their children.

The first step is to model mealtime as family time. Parents must support shopping, cooking, eating and talking together if mealtime is to be a memorable event.  Boundary setting, consistency and communication stop the tug of war that is commonly seen when parents become the food police. Parents must aim for progress not perfection when pursuing a healthy diet. By planning wholesome and well balanced meals, including a wide variety of healthy foods, eating in not out, planning family meals and not skipping meals, parents set the tone of what and when they expect their children to eat. Mealtime becomes a social event that is as much about one another as it is about the food that is eaten.

Parents must be patient with their children and allow children to serve themselves. The focus must be on avoiding excess portion size rather than forcing a child to “clean the plate” and sample every food that is served.   Water must be the first part of every meal or snack. Milk should be fat free or low in fat for all children over age 2 years. Juice does not need to be part of your child’s daily food intake. It is best to eat the fruit rather than drink the juice. Limit milk intake to three 4 ounce servings per day and consider substituting low fat yogurt or cheese in place of the milk.

Consider using a luncheon plate rather than a dinner plate for meals. Half of the plate should be fruits and vegetables and one fourth of the plate should be a whole grain carbohydrate. There has never been a controversy about eating too many vegetables. The protein you choose constitutes the final fourth of your plate. Half of all protein chosen should be plant based and fish or lean meat is preferable over high fat cuts of meat. In this way meat becomes a garnish to your meal rather than the main course. Beware of certain high fat foods such as cakes, cookies, ice cream, pizza, sausage, cheese, hot dogs and butter.

Consider making vegetable juicing a part of your family’s diet for children of all ages. Homemade vegetable juice that is free of pulp and fiber becomes liquid gold. It is a fast, convenient and efficient way to dramatically increase the intake of vegetables for your entire family. Because you make it yourself it is fresh and unpasteurized. You are able to limit the amount of sugar it contains while at the same time protecting the enzymes and heat sensitive nutrients that are key components of the vegetables. As a general rule try to use fresh vegetables that are locally produced and organically grown. Because you are using a large quantity of vegetables contamination with herbicides and pesticides can be an issue.

Vegetables that are high in minerals and beta carotene such as kale, cabbage, romaine lettuce and dandelion greens are good choices. High energy vegetables include carrots, beets, cucumber and celery. For added sweetness add one part fruit for every three parts vegetables and for a palate cleansing flavor consider adding half a peeled lemon. A half-bunch of cilantro or parsley also increase the depth of flavors. Other options include a few drops of honey or maple syrup or a dash of cinnamon or all spice. Always juice the stems and bases of cauliflower, broccoli and asparagus and try to drink the juice slowly or during a meal. This allows your digestion to “catch up” with all the nutrients. Storing vegetable juice is difficult. It is best to drink vegetable juice soon after it is made. If stored, consider doing so in an air tight mason jar that is refrigerated and kept out of sunlight.

Fruit smoothies are another healthy addition into the family diet but be aware of high sugar intake. Fruit smoothies can be made in a high speed blender rather than a juicer so the fiber is not left behind. Always include protein and some healthy fat in the fruit smoothie. Nuts or protein powder are easy protein sources  and extra fiber can be found in flax or chia seeds, Fat can be found in added coconut, avocado, flaxseed oil, fish oil or coconut oil. This allows the sugar to be absorbed more slowly and lowers the glycemic index of the drink. Avoid sweetened yogurt and fruit juices.

By taking the time to plan and eat healthy meals even busy parents can become a model of healthy eating.