Cognition in the Teen Years

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The teenage brain is different in function from the brain of children and adults. Teens react and respond differently than adults and children. During the teen years there is an increase in risk taking and sensation seeking and an interest in greater peer affiliation. Historically from an evolutionary perspective this leads to greater physical separation between family members and a decreased risk of genetic inbreeding and a preference for genetic diversity. This period allows us to adapt and respond to changes that have forced us to grow and react in an active yet plastic fashion. Although this process occurs throughout our lives it is especially evident during the teen and young adult years. It is felt that critical periods of rapid change may relate to various ages of rapid learning and that various areas of the brain mature relatively late. Your brain reaches 93% of its size by age 6 years. Learning comes not from getting bigger but rather from specializing and getting better in connectivity. The brain improves in function by becoming more specialized in relation to its response to the environment.

Teenagers have a fundamental ability to adapt to change in their environment. They have an ability to learn, interact and respond to the environment. In recent years the rapidity of exposure to new experiences has increased as has the ability to interact and respond to these changes. It is this plasticity that provides adolescents and young adults’ opportunity and vulnerability.

Each cubic millimeter of brain contains about 2 miles of axons, 90,000 neurons, one quarter mile of dendrites and 4,500,000 synapses. Clarity from an understanding of the function of this complex structure can be very difficult and it is easy to over interpret the information. As a child ages into adulthood the white matter called myelin increases in a linear fashion and the speed of transfer of information increases. White matter is the same throughout the brain. White matter allows information to be encoded into the brain in a much faster fashion. Chemicals are released that decrease arborization (growing extra branches and roots) and the formation of new connections. This pruning of synapses allows us to integrate and tie information together as we age. The pruning and arborization occurs throughout our entire lives. As we progress from newborn to toddler and then preschool and school age years the growth permits maturation and connectivity that improves brain function and behavioral responses. During these periods genetic and environmental factors facilitate or inhibit the process.

This connectivity which is both modular (chapters in a book) and local (the letters with words and sentences or a paragraph) allows for differentiation between the convergence between specific pieces of data and our responses to stimuli.

The gray matter in the brain reaches a peak in the early teen years and follows an inverted u shape from preschool to age 21 years. The gray matter curve is different for different parts of the brain. For the frontal lobe which is involved in decision making and executive function it reaches a peak for girls at about age 11 ½ years and for boys at 13 ½ years. It appears that this rise and fall is seen in all components of brain function including synaptic density. This is consistent with the general pattern of function in nature where there is an initial overproduction and then a weaning of structural components. This culling allows for functional improvements in responses seen by adults compared to teens for judgment, long range planning and impulse control.

As the brain ages from childhood through puberty and into young adult years there is an overall change in the balance of frontal lobe and limbic system activity with the limbic system showing its highest response pattern during puberty and the frontal lobes appearing later with enhanced decision making in terms of increased delayed gratification capability. Activation patterns change from diffuse to focal and there is evidence of increased integration of brain function and decision making and there is an increase in connectivity speed and efficiency.

The roles of nature (genes) and nurture (environment) are being studied intensely throughout all periods of brain growth. This is a complex issue due to potential sexual variations and time mediated responses. In addition, since many genes may be activated at certain ages, this time mediated activation has implications in terms of the mechanism and trajectory of brain changes and functions. Although the brain trajectory for boys and girls is different the ultimate trajectory is similar. Girls seem to peak from 18 to 30 months earlier than boys in terms of most structural measures of brain function and male brains seem to be more variable than female brains. Overwhelmingly males and females are more similar than different in terms of ultimate brain functioning and the roles of the sex chromosomes, environment and hormones are still being determined and may be complexly mediated by the individual’s age.

Bullying and Obesity

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Bullying is the name given to actions where a child is being exposed repeatedly over time to negative behavior from one or more persons. These negative behaviors can be emotional, verbal or physical. Due to publicity and public awareness more people are aware of bullying. It is due to this awareness that more people are discussing the importance of recognizing bullying and pursuing ways to teach social reciprocity and communication to allow children to interact without leaving one child feeling “bad.” When a child repeatedly feels “bad” after an interaction with one or more people this is a sign of bullying.

Children tend to be bullied when they are perceived as outliers. This may be due to what they eat, how they act and how they look. One specific component of appearance is weight. Studies have shown children who are obese are more likely to be bullied then children who are not obese. It is not clear whether being bullied causes children to gain weight, but even with more children being identified as being obese this has not lessened the risk for obese children being bullied. Obese children continue to be bullied.

Children who bully tend to have deficiencies in healthy social skills or have learned how to manipulate social situations to their advantage to attain what they desire. These patterns may have been learned at home where parents use bullying tactics to motivate their child are it may have been learned outside the home. Bullying is done at the expense of another’s self-esteem. Children who bully often turn to obese children to perform their bullying upon. It is also important for parents, doctors and teachers not to become partners to bullying behavior. The risk of being bullied should never be used as a threat or fear tactic to eliminate obesity. The pursuit of a healthy lifestyle and not the fear of obesity or illness must be the prime messages given to every child who is obese or overweight.

Obese children and teens are often taught obesity is their fault and is a sign of laziness and a lack of interest in being healthy. Obesity is not a sign of failure and does not signify failure or lack of effort. It does signal the need for comprehensive encouragement to eat healthy and exercise more often.

Don’t Let Control Fool You

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As a parent you are confronted with difficult decisions. Caring and providing for your family are not easy. Responsibilities at home and work multiply in an endless progression. The size of your family, the age of your children, your experience as a parent and your financial situation all increase your demands. Although you seek control most of your life events are not under your control.

Parents chase this perception of control not only your own life but also the fate of your child. This pursuit of control is built upon innate parental intuition and directed decision-making. In this process you convince yourself how time and effort can make every decision you make right. This security is a mirage. A charade built upon control replacing fear and anxiety with avoidance.

This sense of control enables a parent to rise from bed in the morning and fall asleep at night. It requires intense effort to weave a tale of deceit and half-truths and stresses you throughout the day. Projecting control forces you to expend time and energy on people and events you do not control and prevents you from spending time with those you love and wish to protect. Surrounded by a capsule of false perceived control life shrouded by control becomes invisible to you and the joys of acceptance and unlimited expectation are lost. This price is too high.

So how do you stop this process of retreat, always defending your thoughts and actions? Every day you must be led by your expectations to the endless opportunities fueled by love and fulfillment that are within your reach every day.

Recite these affirmations daily and prepare yourself for the success expectation based parenting provides:

  • My child is born from endless and all powerful love.
  • Love provides the energy and knowledge my child and I need to make life decisions.
  • The skills I need to be a good parent are always available to me when and where I need them.
  • People enter and leave my life when I am weak or in need to help guide me and support my decisions.
  • I have the power to change my life.
  • I give the power of choice to my child.
  • I am always at my child’s side.
  • I support my child’s endless power and opportunities.
  • I am led by the endless opportunities the power of choice provides.

Social Media is Your Friend

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Whether you like it or not social media is here to stay. Parents have two choices. Either close your eyes and wish it away or learn about it so you are able to educate your children directly and indirectly about the value and risks of social media.

This does not mean you have to become an active user of Facebook,Twitter or any of the other platforms. You do have a responsibility, however, to become comfortable and familiar with how it is used, when it is used, who it is used by and why it is used.

Parents set boundaries. You decide when to allow your child to cross the street alone, ride the bus alone, go to the bathroom alone, babysit, have a cell phone and go to the mall or library alone. Each parent judges readiness differently but all parents believe their child should not do these things until they are ready.

The definition of ready differs not only by age and experience but also by culture and generation. Certainly there are children who are more capable intellectually or physically and have the emotional and judgment self-awareness skills to allow them to perform any number of skills earlier than other children. Although each of you will set the ages for when your child is allowed to explore and begin “risky” activities every parent should also include a period of joint performance of these skills before moving on to a period of parental observation and external time constraints.

As parents we must encourage our children to explore the world. We must give them the freedom to find out that every time they fall down they do not fail and recognize getting hurt does not mean the world is a mean, fearful and angry place where people are out to get them. Every child deserves the opportunity to make choices and explore. If they do not have this power of choice they will exchange exploration and experimentation with self-doubt and self-respect and self-esteem will not develop.

By having opportunities to stretch and extend boundaries your child can learn the importance of giving and sharing with other, of not being judgmental and learning to accept things as they are while learning to strive for things as they wish them to be. These learning experiences interwoven with a tolerance for change and transitions allow your child to recognize and express their divine being and become an adult who is able to seek, accept and understand the meaning of self-love. Young children and young adults who are shackled by doubt and fear do not have this opportunity.

So what about social media? Don’t run and hide. Embrace and acknowledge the experiences and opportunities it provides. Allow social media to entertain, enhance, expand and empower your child to seek questions and answers. Here are some tips:

  • Learn how to partner with technology in an ever expanding digital world.
  • Set limits for the use of social media.
  • Enforce these rules consistently.
  • Commit to this process and monitor your child’s social media use.
  • Recognize the creative and work related capabilities of social media.
  • Set risk limits you can live with.
  • Show your child you respect her thoughts, words and actions, and learn how to slow down if they move too fast.

Handling Emotions

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You interact with your child in many ways and at many times. It is important you choose an interaction style that facilitates and improves your child’s ability to make and maintain relationships in a way that supports trust and mutual understanding. To be successful in laying this foundation parents must teach children how to value their emotions and you must show your child how you value your own emotions.

Attunement is the name given to the ability to respond to the communication and needs of another. It includes the ability to recognize and respond to cues and by being aware of the needs of others you provide a foundation of trust and security for your child. This response is intertwined with consistent, confident, competent and committed care.

Attunement must be done in a sensitive way with an understanding of one’s own emotions. Understanding how you think about feelings and emotions is very important and is usually the result of the way you were raised. Ask yourself how you feel when you are told you are not going to get a raise you expected. Your reaction to the frustration, anger and disappointment you feel from not getting the raise may include a sense of guilt that you did not work hard enough or that you are not smart enough to deserve a raise. These feelings are often irrational and not justified but they are part of your response pattern in ways more fundamental then the expected frustration, anger and disappointment.

Teaching children how to recognize and handle their emotional response to emotions is the best way to teach them how to handle their own emotions in rational and conscious ways rather than being led by unconscious feelings and experiences that often are based on unhealthy patterns. The first step in this process is to teach and show children there are no bad emotions, only badly handled ones. Children must realize there is a difference between an emotion and how a person responds to the emotion.

By modeling appropriate responses to emotions you are in the perfect position to show your child that feelings are normal and often cannot be controlled but they can be managed and acceptable responses can be learned.

Self-Regulation

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Self-regulation is the term used to describe a person’s ability to control their own behavior. This ability effects social, emotional and cognitive development and includes strategies to self soothe, problem solve and manage personal emotions. It brief it is the general ability to control one’s own feelings, thoughts, word and actions.

Various factors influence self-regulation. The first factor is age. Infants are unable to self-regulate during the first six months of life. During this period infants rely on adults to identify, respond to and meet their needs. Specific needs include food, sleep, warmth, comfort and interaction.

Another factor important to self-regulation is the ability to form and maintain stable, loving and caring relationships built on trust and understanding. It is important that all children have relationships with adults who are attentive and responsive to their needs and are attuned and sensitive to their wants and desires.

The last factor to influence self-regulation is cognition. As children grow they use language to name their emotions and identify their wants and needs to others. These emotions can range from excitement to frustration for toddlers and for preschool and older children who have already developed various naming skills they need to learn how to use those skills at the right time and in the right way.

The long term goal of self-regulation is the ability to delay gratification and suppress the need for immediate attainment of what is desired. This skill allows a connection between feelings and behavior to develop and is fundamental to building future reciprocal interpersonal relationships based on trust and understanding.

The skills learned during this process include coping skills and the ability to pursue goals by using intrinsic motivation as the primary driving force rather than external “pushes” and encouragement. This is the catalyst for the encouragement of self-worth and benefits also include improved academic performance, problem solving skills and peer interaction skills.

Children learn self-regulation by watching you and seeing how you respond to not only them but the world around both of you. Set your developmental expectations appropriately and let the fun begin.

Tips on Praise

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Praise should be sincere and age appropriate. It should never be vague and should not be overused for everyday tasks, chores or actions that are expected to be completed. School age children are able to “see through” praise. If a child already enjoys a task then praise is not needed. The focus should be on the intrinsic reward from the performance of the activity. In this way the intrinsic value is the motivator. Excess praise can easily be confused with bribes and if always expected the lack of praise can serve as negative stimuli to decrease the frequency of the desired positive behavior. Make sure you are praising what you think you are praising and do not set the bar too high for praise. Each of these can result in conflict.

Opposite of praise is criticism. Criticism is not effective in the long term in changing behavior. Criticism always hurts. The ability to tolerate criticism is a positive skill but the use of criticism to enact and encourage change in a child’s behavior is riddled with negative short and long term effects. When someone criticizes another they are saying: “I know something you don’t.”

General feedback is similar to praise but is more neutral and informative. As with praise it should be timely and specific. Feedback that does not focus on a particular act or pattern is ineffective. It must be genuine and heartfelt and expressed with a tone of excitement. Be wary of having a hidden agenda to the feedback where direction is given for another purpose and never add a wish list at the end of positive feedback. “You did a great job on your spelling test today. I know you will do just as well on you math test tomorrow.” Lastly, when giving feedback never make it personal. Always target an event. Instead of saying: “You gave too much food to the dog last night” consider saying: “I worry we may be feeding our dog too much food. How could we be sure to measure out the right amount of food for every feeding?”

When giving feedback make sure to balance negative feedback positive feedback or praise. A rule of thumb is to recognize through words of fondness or admiration positive behaviors five times more frequently than negative. Most parent praise patterns come from patterns they learned in their upbringing.

Praise is best when it increases a child’s own internal excitement and allows and encourages them to internalize reinforcement to repeat a future act or behavior.

Praise

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The abilities to give and receive praise are often taken for granted. All successful parents know giving praise in the right way and at the right time are amazing tools. As a parent you must also understand learning how to receive and respond to praise is a neglected skill that is often taken for granted.

Praise is the name given to any behavior or activity that validates and informs a child they have tried hard or done something right. It supports the development of a child’s self-esteem and allows a parent to focus on building their child’s strengths and self-confidence. In order for you to provide appropriate praise you must pay attention to your child and determine what your child is trying to do. You do not want to reward them for something they did not work at.

Praise should focus on effort and not outcome. It should be an unconditional affirmation of a genuine strength of your child. The role of praise is to guide your child to positive appropriate behavior. Praise is age specific. In infants praise is generally a facial expression or high pitched tones that express your pleasure. For toddlers you show praise in both your actions and words when they show curiosity and an interest in exploring the world. For the pre-school and older child praise is given when they accomplish a purposeful developmentally appropriate task.

Praise may be a positive reinforcement that makes your child feel “good” and hence more likely to repeat a behavior or action (“Thank-you for making your bed!”). It may be descriptive and provide information to the child about what they did right (I liked the way you put your shoes on!”). Another type of praise is when you praise the effort your child showed (“You tried so hard to put that Lego tower together!”). Effort praise should be carefully used since it can reward a child for not completing a task the child really wanted to perform. The last type of praise is robotic praise. This type should be avoided. It is too general and your child will be confused because they really wanted to perform the task they were unable to perform (Your child receives a pass from a teammate and is in front of the goal and tries to kick the soccer ball into the goal but misses the ball and you call out: “Nice try!”).

The long term goal of praise is to help children focus on effort and action and not results. Praise will help your child learn how to deal with emotion and accept the emotions that are attached to various behaviors. It is one of the first steps in learning how feelings lead to thoughts which in turn lead to words and actions.

Environment and Brain Growth

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A recent study published in the May 2012, Annals of Neurology supports the finding that the structure of the adult brain is associated with adverse childhood experiences. Recent studies suggest childhood socioeconomic status has long term effects on the structure and function of brain development.

Possible causes include diet, low quality parental health care, impoverished environment, under stimulating environment and prenatal exposure to toxic substances. Prior reports have shown adverse childhood experiences are associated with adult psychiatric disorders and cognitive deficits. Additional studies support the role stress plays in reducing the size of a part of the brain called the hippocampus. Chronic stress in childhood causes a decrease in hippocampal development. The hippocampus is involved in many cognitive processes including the storage and processing of memories.

The environment a child is exposed to plays a major role in long term brain development and cognitive and emotional competence.

Common Questions About Temperament

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When is a child spoiled?

When a child has excessive self-centered and immature behavior for his age he is considered “spoiled.” Spoiled children frequently display a lack of consideration for others and demand to have their own way. They have difficulty delaying gratification, and are prone to temper outburst, tantrums or excessive crying spells, if they do not feel they get what they want. Overall, they are difficult to satisfy and very demanding. Such behavior may be expected at times with all children, but by age three they should begin to gain control of their emotions.

How does spoiling happen?

The most common cause is the failure of parents and caretakers to set and enforce age appropriate limits. By discussing these with their child and being consistent among all care givers for the child.

Do healthy infants cry?

Average healthy infants cry for an average of 2 ¼ hours per day in the first seven weeks of life. Such crying should be expected. However, by the time they can communicate their needs verbally, crying behavior should become less and less.

What should I do when my baby cries?

Try to find out what she is trying to tell you. Go through a series of steps to see what she wants. After making sure that she is not uncomfortable due to wet or soiled diaper, or is too hot or cold, try feeding. If unsuccessful, then try to holding and mildly stimulating the infant. Always provide the opportunity for her to go to sleep.

When does the meaning of a child’s cry change?

After four to six months of age, an infant’s cry starts to be used in a way to get attention. After this age he is trying to communicate. Remember, children who are tired, sleepy, hungry or ill are most easily frustrated and most apt to cry.

What is temperament?

The inborn behavioral response style which children are born with is known as their temperament.

Are there any patterns of temperament more difficult to deal with?

Yes. There are certain patterns which cause parents’ problems, particularly, if the parents attempt to suddenly and drastically change their child’s behavior.

Why is it important to know my child’s temperament?

You must not overrespond to your child’s behavior. Often it is the temperament which you are seeing rather than “spoiled behavior.” Instead, set limits and rules which are reasonable for your child. Be detached enough not to take your child’s action and behavior personally. Do not overact to troublesome behaviors.

Do infants have temperament?

Yes. All infants are different, but we see three general patterns, plus combinations of these (see below).

Can you describe some temperament patterns?

Some infants are “difficult” and settle slowly. They do not adapt to change well and frequently overreact to stimulation. They accept schedules poorly. On the other extreme are the “easy-going” infants who are less moody and more easily satisfied and remain satisfied longer. Their eating, sleeping and stooling pattern are also more regular. They tend to react less severely and more consistently to caretakers, foods, and various situations without “bad” moods. Lastly, there is a group of children best described as “slow to warm up,” who have characteristics of both groups, but become more satisfiable as they become comfortable with the surroundings and the care taker.

How do I respond to my child?

Determine your child’s developmental level and you will then know what behaviors to expect from your child. Remember, a toddler’s curiosity is normal and the best way to handle it is to “child proof” the house rather saying “no” all the time. Do not try to “correct” or change watch and every behavior that does not meet your standard. Work patiently and discuss your standards with other experienced mothers.